![]() ![]() ![]() One thing that really helped us was a book called “Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know.” She and I read it together. ![]() So, I did my best to learn to become a caring witness to my mother’s journey, and find ways to support her without trying to interfere. But this is your mother’s cancer, and she gets to choose how she wants to deal with it.” That was clear wisdom delivered straight from the heart, and I heard it. As I was confiding my frustrations to a friend, she said: “If you ever get cancer, you’ll get to do it your own way. I was especially struggling with her decision to follow her doctors’ recommendations to undergo conventional chemotherapy, even though her gut was saying no. In the weeks that followed, I did a lot of research and came up with what I thought were good ideas about what she could do to optimize her chances, but she was not particularly receptive to any of them. The surgery went well, though the prognosis remained grim. I got on a plane to France to be with her. She was calling to tell me she would be undergoing surgery a week later. #My last lifing hear fullShe was 64 at the time, full of life and projects she was excited about, in a happy relationship with someone she had met five years before, and in love with her work. Nicole, full of life and projects she was excited about… I just remember the sinking feeling that my universe had just tilted and something precious I had taken for granted could very soon be gone and “irrevocably lost.” “I did not want to tell you right away, but I found out a month ago that I have cancer.” She paused for a couple of seconds, and then added… “cancer of the pancreas.” I don’t remember anything she said after that nor how I responded. I wasn’t, but immediately sat on the edge of my bed, bracing myself. We hadn’t talked in a few weeks, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was not calling bearing good news. She was in Paris where she had been living for the last 25 years. I was in Western Massachusetts, getting ready for the opening night of a yoga teacher training. It was a late afternoon in August of 2007 when my mother told me. “And if this isn’t a day when your universe has tilted and something precious you take for granted has not been suddenly irrevocably lost, bow before the mystery and let gratitude wash over you for the miracle of life, health, and this brief walk on our fragile planet.” ~ Carolyn Moore ![]()
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